Surprise Yourself!

I know it sounds crazy but, there is a method to my madness.

I want you to surprise yourself... simple as that!

How many times have you looked at someone and envied them for something they are doing that you "can't"?

How many times have you thought "Gee, I would love to go to that Zumba class but I can't" followed by a few tired excuses?

In dance I learn that the only limits I have are the ones I set. We do an exercise where we start with small movements and slowly get bigger and bigger until we are using every bit of space we possibly can. We wave our arms and slide our feet around the floor in a beautiful display. It is truly amazing what you can do without limits.

Though out our lives we create beliefs about ourselves; some of them are right and, some just flat out wrong. We create the belief that we can't do something because we are too shy, too fat, too dumb, too short, too ugly, too weak, too whatever. Eventually, we begin to live our lives around our "I can'ts". We refuse to do the things our hearts desire and, possibly miss out on our passion because, we continue to create boundaries and limits for ourselves.

There is a cure for this limiting virus: Surprising Yourself

Yep, it's really that simple! 

It doesn't have to be something like joining tap, jazz, ballet, lyrical, and hip hop dance classes with teenagers. It can be something as simple as jogging to the mail box. You can start up a conversation with a random person at the grocery store, finally organize that junk drawer, going to a zumba class, or taking an art class. Do something you have always wanted to do but were too afraid to.  

I try to surprise myself every day. Whether it's pushing a little harder at the gym or dance, or just being kind to a stranger. I try to do things that are out of the norm for me, things that I can look back and say "Wow, I was really afraid to do that but I'm glad I did.".

Eventually, when you come up to a hurdle, you will begin to think about those little surprises. You might think you can't run a mile for a split second but then you'll remember that time you walked into a Zumba class and you didn't know anyone. You will find strength in your surprises to squash your can'ts.

Surprising yourself is exactly like that exercise I do in dance. Start small and keep going eventually you will be spinning around the room, using beautiful, fluid motions, exquisitely using every bit of space you have, energy flowing through your body, from your toes to the tips of your fingers, free from the limits your mind had trapped you in before.

Go out into the world my friend and start surprising yourself. Don't be afraid to comment and let me know how you feel afterwards.

Confessions of a Serial Dieter

I have been MIA for the past few weeks and I know a few of you are wondering what the deal is.

I was in a place that required some soul searching.

Although I was making healthier life choices and really motivated to become a healthier person, I was binge eating at least 4 times a week. Thursday would begin and I would have the urge to eat crap and, a whole lot of it. This would continue until Sunday when I felt fat, bloated, and gross.

I can't really remember the first time I binge ate but this has been a pattern for majority of my life. I couldn't figure out why I couldn't just eat like a normal person. I didn't understand why I couldn't just resist the urge to be a fatty. I would stuff myself so full that I felt sick and afterwards I would beat myself up over my bad choices.

I would eat whether I was hungry or not. I would eat if I was happy, sad, excited, anxious... if the urge hit, I would eat. While discussing triggers with a friend of mine she mentioned breathing being a trigger and it's the truth.

Traditional therapy tells me it's an emotional eating disorder and I'm not a doctor but I don't think that's true. Not for me anyway. There also happens to be no scientific evidence proving that binge eating is caused by emotional traumas.

I'm pretty happy. I have the most perfect life for me and I love it. I have an amazing supporting husband, two beautiful furbabies, I work for my mom doing a job I truly enjoy and could have a future in, I have dance every Wednesday and, I'm lucky enough to have a bit of talent in the photography department. I'd say my overeating has absolutely nothing to do with my emotions and, for those of you that know me, you know I'm happy 98% of the time!

This poses the question of why I binge and over eat.

I did NOT come to this conclusion on my own, I read Brain Over Binge by Kathryn Hansen and if you have an eating disorder I highly recommend reading it.

You can purchase the book and read a little more about the author here: brainoverbinge.com

According to the book the reason I binge eat is because I choose to restrict food. My primal brain recognizes that I have cut back calories and, as a means of survival, sends messages to my body that I need food. My primal brain (the subcortex) is not rational and does not realize I am trying to lose weight or that there is plenty of food available, it is working simply to insure my survival.

I have been restricting food since my first diet at 13 years old. Lately I have been cutting back calories to about 1200 calories a day. It makes since that I would binge on Thursday because I dance for 4 hours on Wednesday and my body was not getting enough nutrients.

I have spent 90% of my free time dieting, getting motivated to diet, planning a diet, and/or trying new diets, binge eating, dieting, binge eating... the cycle just continues.

I can't believe I didn't see the connection between my dieting and binge eating before. I have made a new promise to myself. NO MORE DIETS!

No calorie counting, and no beating myself up for going over my allotted amount of calories. I am making a conscious effort to make better choices. I am making an effort to recognize when I am full. I am making an effort to eat normal portions and I am making an effort to change my relationship with food.

For the past 5 days I have done a great job. We went out to eat with some friends last night and I ordered what I wanted. I over ate a little but I wasn't miserable when I left. I have been to the gym 2 days in a row. I have had a few urges to binge but by separating myself from my urges, not fighting them, and just looking at them as if they are meaningless, harmless, and powerless, has helped me overcome them.

My diet (as in what I eat not what I restrict) has improved greatly in the last 5 days which is strange considering nothing is "off limits". I am working on portion sizes and I am satisfied with them. I am making an effort to fix balanced meals at home and somehow I am staying within an acceptable calorie range for me and my activity level... (I admit, I counted calories out of curiosity but only the day after I had already eaten everything.) My calorie level is a bit higher than what I was eating before when I would "diet". Last time I lost 40lbs I lost it at the Diet Center where they encouraged me to only eat 1000 calories a day!It's no wonder my body keeps storing fat... it thinks I'm starving!

If you are having a problem with binge eating please listen to me and DON'T go on a "diet"! I hope to eventually eat an 80% paleo diet but right now I have to work on portions and noticing when I am full. I have to work on recognizing my binge urges as meaningless, powerless, and harmless! Nourishing our body is the most important thing we can do to lose weight. Cutting calories to 1200 when you are active like I am is NOT the way to lose weight.

(I wrote this post last Wednesday but I was too chicken to post it then so here is an update)

I struggled on Wednesday to eat enough calories before and after dance but I did it and you know what? I didn't binge on Thursday and actually lost 2 lbs (from eating MORE)!! I did however bartend from 12-8 Friday and did not eat properly. I skipped lunch, stood on my feet and ran around for a few hours, then ate a piece of chicken some beans and a hot dog (no bun), followed by untold amounts of beer (when my shift was over)... needless to say I over ate the rest of the weekend. This only proves that my problem with over eating has absolutely nothing to do with emotional traumas and everything to do with how I eat!!

I'm back for good, I promise not to go this many weeks with out a post again, and I promise to update you on my relationship with food.

Dieting is a bad thing y'all. Change your relationship with food and exercise. Make a commitment to yourself to make better choices and live a healthy life-style but don't diet. If you do those two things you will lose weight by default, I promise!!!

The Struggle

I was watching a video posted by Erik over at www.efbm.me (if you haven't read his blog check it out). Erik was talking about the struggle and letting people see your struggle and it got me thinking. This journey we are on is not effortless and watching people like Erik and his Bride or ErikaFitLove on Facebook overcome struggles is really inspirational because we have to struggle to become stronger.

You don't build muscle without resistance and struggling is just the weight lifting of life. 

We all struggle but we tend to think we are the only ones.

I get overwhelmed easily and today I am feeling a bit overwhelmed. As I was getting my morning dose of inspiration from people I follow on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter, I started thinking about how far I have to go and how there isn't a clear path in front of me.

My last month has been full of 1 step forward and 2 steps back. During the weekends I eat all kinds of crap that I am too embarrassed to tell you guys about today... maybe later. Every Monday becomes a struggle to keep away from sugar and carbs then come Thursday it's time to shove crap into my mouth until Sunday.

I don't know if I just don't have the willpower to resist a whole box of pecan rolls or if I'm not mentally ready for the journey ahead. I'm stuck in the proverbial hamster wheel. I know if I do what I have always done I will get what I've always gotten.

So, today I am struggling. I'm not going to give up though. I feel up to the challenge and I'm ready to build my life-muscles.

Today my struggle is finding a path to follow. Today my struggle is not being able to see the forest for the trees. I'm overwhelmed and I just don't know where to start especially with nutrition.

This post is super depressing... what the heck!!!!!

I want to know what you struggle with and what you do to overcome those struggles. Even if you are like me today and you don't know what to do to overcome your struggle I still want to know what your struggle is!

Comment or email if you want AmyHAdams14@gmail.com but tell me about your struggle.